Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Small steps for Sunny, huge leaps for me

I finally carved out some time to write an update on how we are doing.


First of all, Sunny is doing so very well. He is such a happy camper. His speech is also improving and he is constantly trying to say new words. Since my last post in March he manages to say "Hahm" (which means "Hahn" and that is the German word for cock/rooster; however, he cannot pronounce the N yet) and he can say "gack gack" (imitating the sound the hens make). His favourite subject has been poultry for months now.

He is also trying to count but has a hard time pronouncing the different numbers. But he does not give up and is very much trying to make himself understood. He tries so say "rein" (into), he can clearly pronounce "Heim" (home) and he is trying to say "nein" (no) but since the N is so difficult for him it is not easy to understand it. But I see that he is trying to speak and pronounce new words tirelessly and that makes me so very proud and hopeful.


When it comes to me there have been major changes in my life. As I mentioned here and there within the last year or so I have had a hard time personally. The last years have been very difficult for me and I suffered a lot but did not tell anybody. On March 25, 2015 my husband and I finally decided to split up. It was a decision that had been long overdue. We mainly stayed together because of Sunny but now we finally felt that it was time to say good-bye to this frustrating situation. We are both too young to live a sad life and dissatisfying relationship. None of us made that decision easily and it was accompanied by many tears on both sides but it was the right thing to do. After two weeks of mourning and feeling like a complete failure for not being able to hold my family together and worrying how all of this would affect Sunny I started feeling better.

So far we are handling the situation very well. We still like each other, have a very peaceful and amicable relationship, and we still live together which might seem weird for outsiders but is the best for everyone involved at the moment. I have no pressure in finding a new and comfy place to live with Sunny, the husband gets to see Sunny as often as before and Sunny enjoys both of his parents for the time being. Of course this is not be a situation that we want to live in forever and I am planning to move out in the medium term. But right now it is still okay for all of us.


Moreover, I have already found a new love. It is such an uplifting feeling and it is balm for my bruised soul. It might seem very early for bystanders because the husband and I just broke up a few months ago but, truth be told, I have been feeling very, very lonely in our marriage and it was something that I longed for for years: to feel loved, cherished, understood, and valued again. These are all things that I did not experience in our marriage for a very long time. So to me it does not feel early at all but rather like it was high time for a change in this area of my life. Being neglected for so long makes you feel small and worthless and eats away at your self-confidence. It is not a good thing and I am glad that I found someone who loves me truly and deeply and for whom I feel the same. I never dreamed it would happen so quickly but I am so very glad that we met and we are both taking this very seriously.

It will certainly bring about new challenges since we have to join our families together: he has three kids that live with him and I have Sunny. It will be a new experience for me to deal with four kids instead of only one and there will surely be problematic situations arising but I am sure we will be able to handle them well. The kids like each other, we like each other's kids, the kids like us, so the main basics fit and we will cross the other bridges when we get to them.

It was very important for me that a new partner would accept Sunny for who he is and my new man decided very quickly after meeting Sunny for the first time that he would be willing and able to take over this special responsibility. When I see them interact I know it was the perfect choice that I made when I chose him.


I am very curious to see what the next months will bring for me. But for the first time in years I am confident that my future will be bright.