Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Coming home

It is difficult to pick up this blog where it was left after such a long absence. 

The truth is, I also did not really know what to write. I feel like being stuck in a tornado since last winter and do not know how to get out. But nobody wants to read my constant whining about that. So I was unsure whether I should even return or just give up blogging altogether. 

I was completely away from the screen which also means that I stopped reading blogs in the last months. It was all just too overwhelming for me and I needed to step back and try to balance my life (which I am still struggling with). I did not even check my e-mail account (the one that is connected to the blog). It was simply not possible for me. Sometimes I wonder whether I am (or was) on the verge of a burnout or/and depression but I know that these are severe diagnoses and I am very cautious using those terms.

However, I do want to connect again with my fellow bloggers and friends but I also need to concentrate on the most important ones for me. Otherwise it will quickly become too overwhelming again. 

Apart from my new job which is very fulfilling but also very exhausting, and caring for Sunny there are other issues in my private life that need my attention and draw a lot of energy out of me. I rarely get time to relax lately, with evenings filled with things that need to be done and that I did not manage to do during the day. The Pentecost holidays (2 weeks) are just around the corner, allowing for even less time than usually. I finally found two lovely and caring daytime nannies for Sunny but that means that I will have to take him there and pick him up again each day during the holidays when normally he rides the bus to school. 

But I need to stop here and now because I start whining again. Everbody’s life is busy, I know that. So I will just leave it at that and move on.

Here is what you probably want to know: Sunny is fine. 

Apart from the fact that we spent the weekend before last in the hospital due to another concussion he got while he bumped into another kid during recess and fell backwards, hitting the concrete hard with the back of his head. The teacher called me and told me about the accident while I was still at work. But he seemed to be doing okay apart from being more snuggly than usual and she told me she would monitor him closely and get back as soon as this would change. An hour later she called me again, telling me that he needs to be checked by a doctor because he was not being himself and that he was so tired. When I heard that I was already 80 % sure he had a concussion so I left work early and drove to his school to pick him up. On my way there she called me again and told me she just called an ambulance. She sounded nervous and worried and hung up the phone without any good-bye. That was when I got worried, too, and I drove as quickly as I could. When I arrived at the school it was time for all kids to go home so the whole schoolyard was full of buses – and the ambulance. On my arrival I was immediately guided into the schoolyard and as I got out of my car I already heard Sunny screaming inside the ambulance. I rushed to find him there with his sweet teacher who tried to console him. He was very scared and in bad shape. He did not feel well, I could tell that immediately. The teacher informed me that after our second phone call Sunny’s left arm suddenly went limp (fortunately it only lasted for a few minutes!) and she was afraid that he might have had another seizure so she called the ambulance. 

The paramedic told me that Sunny needs to be checked in the hospital and that the hospital staff already waited for us. My husband was away for work and so Sunny’s kind teacher offered to drive my car to the hospital (which is half an hour away) so that we would have clothes and everything with us for our hospital stay. She said she would somehow manage to get home again. It was the sweetest thing she could have done for us and yesterday I brought her a beautiful flower bouquet to thank her. The car was packed because we had planned on visiting my parents for the weekend. So we had everything we needed with us.

On our ride to the hospital Sunny fell asleep on my lap, then he startled and cried because he probably had a headache, then fell asleep again. When he heavily threw up on me it was clear that he had a concussion. 

The hospital staff knows us already and we were greeted by the nurses like old friends. The paediatric clinic had just moved to a new building so we got a brand new room with a gorgeous view which was the one thing that made it a bit bearable.

Luckily, no second seizure was diagnosed which was a huge relief for me. I am still always very worried about that. Our latest EEG in April remained unchanged and since Rolandic epilepsy usually does not go away before puberty I do not expect it to change in a positive way before Sunny gets older. The good news, however, is that it also did not get worse and if the next EEG will be the same our neurologist told us that one control EEG per year would be sufficient. And this is great news!

Another thing we accomplished in the week before we went to the hospital was that I finally managed to wean Sunny off his pacifier. I know, he is much too old to use a pacifier, but it was always so difficult to try and he only used it for falling asleep. I always went into his room when he was sound asleep and took it out of his mouth. Anyway, one day I just decided that it was finally time to get rid of it completely and so I just did not give it to him. When he started crying and demanded it I told him that his friend J from school was such a big boy and that he surely did not us a pacifier anymore. He seemed to understand because he stopped crying immediately and accepted that. It was such an easy transition, I never would have imagined that and I was so glad that it went that smoothly!


  1. Welcome back, Joy. I'm sorry your life has been so overwhelming lately. I hope that tomorrow is brighter

  2. I was so happy to see your blog email in my inbox just now! wow, what a roller coaster you are on! i am very happy to hear all is well after sunny's fall in the school yard, i was in mommy panic mode just reading about it. hope everything calms down for you soon and you can find time to blog now and again. and hey, it's ok, i'm a seldom blogger, too!

    1. Dear Misty, thank you so much for missing me! Your comment really made me happy! Will hop over to your blog now, too! xo

  3. So glad you're back here, Joy. I'm so sorry to read that things got overwhelming for you. It is good though that you were wise enough to know when you needed to step away from the online world and give yourself the space you needed. I haven't been blogging very regularly over the last few months and it has crossed my mind several times that it would have been much better to actually give myself a complete break for a few months. So glad to read that Sunny is okay. Take care of yourself, lovely. Hope you have a peaceful weekend. xx

    1. Dear Lizzy,

      Thanky for welcoming me back! It is good to know that some people still follow along!

      Have a great, relaxing weekend, too! :-)

  4. First, real life should always come first. I feel sorry for the children of the bloggers that don't blow off their blogs to play but I'm very sorry that it was so overwhelming for you. I miss you. And I'm SO SO relieved Sunny is okay - thinking about you both tonight extra huge and hoping that you're feeling peace and contentment. Blogland will wait. But I'm glad you're back, too. <3

    1. Kristi, thank you so much for coming back to this cozy sweet little place of mine, now that you are a big blogger with more than 1000 followers on FB and who knows how many on other channels! You rock, my famous friend! So happy for you that your blog has become so successful! Thanks for having a glass of wine for me at the conference! xo


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