Some weeks ago I had a regular check-up at the gynaecologist. He saw something unusual on the ultrasonic scan and requested me to come back again this week to see whether or not I would need to have surgery.
Since then I have really been worried. First of all because of the possibility to need surgery because that would just suck.
But I was even more worried about what would happen to Sunny while I would be in the hospital. We have never been separated for more than a few hours and recently one night. He is very fixated upon me because I have been the main carer for him since he was born. My husband works long hours and is frequently away for business so Sunny is just used to the fact that I am always around. He already had a hard time when I was away for one night some weeks ago. So I was worried how he would handle it if I had to go to the hospital for several days.
I have been consumed with many bad thoughts with regard to my health for quite a while now. I started to worry about what would happen if I had a fatal disease. I know, but I just cannot stop it. I am really worried something will happen to me and that I will not be able to be there for my child in the future. Of course I am also worried that something bad will happen to Sunny or my husband.
How do you stop these thoughts? At some point when my chest tightens and anxiety tries to take over I just have to tell myself that I need to stop worrying and pondering about these things STAT. But the worries return eventually.
I was so very glad and relieved today when my gynaecologist told me that I do not need surgery. It took a lot of pressure off my chest.
So tonight I want to thank my body for being so supportive and for being healthy (I hope I am not jinxing anything now! Therefore, I am knocking heavily on wood!). I will keep on doing what I can to stay healthy. I know how important it is that I stay healthy for Sunny - and for me, of course!
PS: Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates it! Enjoy yourselves and your families, indulge in good food and just be present in the moment.