Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Struggling to find words

Yesterday, a friend on Facebook shared an article which I opened and then read in shock, horror and disbelief. You can find it here.

Three kids have died because their parents did what was recommended in this awful book.

I did not know this book even exists. I did not know there were people out there who had written an entire book about breaking a child's will, about making a child compliant with physical punishment. A book that is based on the belief that children are evil and wily with only one goal: to make your life hard and to be the superior part in a parent-kid relationshiop. So you have to show them who the boss is by breaking their spirit. And, mind you, this already starts back when you have an infant! The "best" part about it is that it is obviously widely used by some so-called "Christians". It is handed out in churches. Yeah, so much for altruism....

I do not believe in spanking (or any other form of physical punishment for that matter). I have never spanked my son and I never would. Because I do not believe that spanking leads to more understanding of what went wrong and why a child has to be punished. I believe that spanking only leads to fear and angst in a child. Spanking might lead to obedient children (or it might go completely wrong). I do not want my child to be afraid of me. And I do not want it to be obedient. I want to have a relationship with my child that is based on love, understanding, and trust.

It is my firm belief that a child needs to be taught about their mistakes with love, compassion and methods that they can understand, depending on the developmental age and stage the child is in.

The concept of violence is completely unknown to Sunny. He never defends himself when he is attacked. If another child takes away one of his toys he backs off immediately, looks for something else to play with - and goes to get the toy again when the other child abandons it. Never ever would he fight for a toy, let alone hit, punch, pull anyone's hair deliberately. If I punished him physically for a mistake he did I am sure he would not even understand why I spanked him. He would probably just be afraid afterwards to get spanked again. But I do not think he would even understand that he was physically punished because he did something wrong.

A child is not here to be the devil, to make my life hard. It is not their goal to show me who the boss is. A child is a child, it still has so much to learn and it is just natural that mistakes happen. Believing that a child's only intention is to deliberately cause hell on earth for you is ridiculous and shows a complete lack of any understanding about the development of a child. Punishing a child like that is cruel, disgusting, and just wrong. Period.

You can read more about the Pearl's and their methods of how to systematically break a child here and here. I am sure you will find more appalling things if you do a simple google search.

If you think this - and other books of that kind - should be banned from being sold on amazon you can sign a petition here.

You can also put a banner on your blog. I will add it as soon as I finished this blog post.

I know this blog post is not eloquently written. First, because I am really struggling to find words. Second, because it is even more difficult to do this in a foreign language. But I hope that I could get my point across - that I think all of this is just wrong. And if you are like me and did not know anything about this that it helps raising awareness and that you can help eliminate the sales of these books.



  1. This is just appalling to read! I have never even heard of the Pearl's or their book

  2. This is sick!! Beating babies as young as 6 months with plastic tubings?? These people should be charged for murder as an accomplice in all three kid's deaths.. Simply heartbreaking. I could never, ever in my life beat my children!!

  3. oh wow, that article was hard to read. how could anyone do those horrible things to their children? there's a huge difference between spanking your kids and abusing them! how in the world did those parents not see what they were doing to their kids? where were the doctors and teachers in those situations? neighbors or family members? those poor children! it breaks my heart!

  4. That is just horrid. I did chuckle though at a memory you stirred. When Abby was maybe 3 or 4 she used to say "it's okay though mistakes happen" whenever she did something wrong. It became a mantra until she was about 5 I think.

    You are right, my friend, children learn, respect and obey with love. Fear changes their soul

  5. I read this post on my phone yesterday so couldn't comment but have been thinking about it since then. I cannot believe the horrible things that people are capable of. I just do not understand the type of person who would be able to abuse a child. Ever. The Pearls are obviously twisted and sick. Thanks for sharing. I'm going to sign the petition now.

  6. No words. Really, just no words. Thanks for the info, Joy.


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