Friday, 7 June 2013
Finish the Sentence Friday: The turning point in my life
This week's sentence to finish is:
I hit a turning point in my life when I...
... became a mother. Plain and simple like that. And since I have already written about this experience and could not say it any better I will just repost it today.
For a long time I was not sure if I even wanted kids. I was never that woman who felt from an early age that she was meant to be a mother. At one point I even saw it totally rationally and thought that I probably needed to have kids because I might otherwise regret it later.
Then, all of a sudden, that changed. I do not know why or what it sparked but suddenly I felt it: I definitely wanted to be a mama. I wanted to have a baby and could not wait until it happened.
And as soon as my son entered my life everything changed. I always like to say that motherhood opened a new door in my life. It was a door that I never knew even existed and that was hidden from my view. But with the birth of my son it opened widely and as I stepped inside I entered a world of new feelings, vibrant colours and a kind of love that I never could have imagined was possible. Feelings you cannot describe nor imagine until you feel them yourself. I know it probably sounds totally drippy but it is just the way I feel about motherhood.
Having a child with special needs has taken my motherhood experience to a whole new level. I know that all parents worry about their children but I believe a lot of us worry more and this for obviously founded reasons. A lot of our kids have health issues to be dealt with or they get suspected diagnoses that scare the hell out of us until they (hopefully, finally) are being ruled out or, even worse, are confirmed.
These experiences very often shift the focus from a typical motherhood experience to another one. And as much as I am naturally well aware of the hardships in our lives in my case it has also made me much more aware of the good things in our life. I do not take things for granted any more. I am much more compassionate, not only when it comes to our own lives but also with regard to things that happen to my friends or even strangers. It has made me more vulnerable and at the same time much stronger. Very often it makes me pause in my tracks and tells me to just take it all in and live in the moment, right now and here. To witness the sun reflecting from Sunny's silky, shining hair, to hear his bell-like laughter full of happiness that makes my stomach cringe for a second with sheer joy. To realise the way he looks at me, how he calls my name and tells me with no words how much he loves and needs me. To feel his tiny, soft hand slip into mine while we walk next to each other and know that he senses the security I will always offer him, that I am his safe haven to always turn to. To be glad and thankful that we had a good winter with very few infections.
Being a mother is the most life-changing and beautiful experience in my world and I never could have imagined it would be so good and so fulfilling and so full of love. And I know for sure now that what I rationally thought back in my 20's was totally true: I would have missed out on so many things and regretted it if Sunny never entered my life.
You think this is a cheesy post? Well, maybe it is. In this case let me tell you one more thing: I guess motherhood has also made me cheesy because these words were just written directly from my heart.
Thank you to Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine…, Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic, Stephanie of Mommy, for Real and Dawn of Dawn's Disaster for hosting Finish the Sentence Friday!