Some of you already know how much I struggle with the fact that Sunny has to go to school after the summer holidays. And that feeling of this-is-not-fair and I-wish-it-would-be-different is still staying with me.
Today there was a kind of evaluation along with a medical consultation with regard to his transition to school in summer. And as much as I despise all that has to do with his school entry in September, I despised the appointment today as well. I was grumpy this morning and ructious and not at all in a mood to deal with officials, and certainly not for another evaluation to show me what he was not capable of (at least that was what I expected. Turns out the appointment was okay.).
So I went to kindergarten in a grumpy mood. When I opened the door to Sunny's classroom he was sitting at the table with his friends while they were having their morning break and eating their snacks. As soon as Sunny saw me his little, adorable face lit up immediately and he called out "Mama!! Mama!! Mama!!" in the happiest, most cheerful way ever! I could clearly see how happy he was to see me so unexpectedly. He got all excited, jumped up and down on his chair, pointed to me and proclaimed "Mama! Mama!" again and again so that everyone at the table would see me.
And this was when the rays of my beautiful son (whom I call Sunny for a reason) hit my heart and warmed it in an instant. I felt so proud and I was so beyond joyful to experience how happy he was to see me that my grumpiness was gone in an instant. It was so good to feel how much he loves me because it just burst out of him without further warning. It was just a natural and spontaneous reaction to "something" ;-) that my son obviously loves. And as much as I miss that he cannot say "I love you" with his voice it makes me still feel sooooo good to just feel his love and his compassion for me!
There is so much to be loved about life and about having a wonderful child who is almost always in good spirits. He is the light of my life and he helps me to see the sun when I feel it does not shine. I could never express how deep my love for my son really is. But I guess this is not necessary because I am sure he feels it, too.