Wednesday, 3 April 2013

What if

I usually try not to worry too much about the future. I try to take it day by day, making the best of now while always trying to foster Sunny in the best way possible and evening out the path of his future as good as I can.

But every once in a while some worries that are hidden deep down inside of me float up like bubbles in the water.

And while my husband and Sunny had fun together on the weekend, I watched them and suddenly one thought plopped into my head.

What if he never ever learns to talk?

I used to think and hope that one day he will learn it. But as he makes progress in all areas, speech is where almost no progress is happening. Of course he always finds new ways to communicate, to tell me what he wants and what goes on in his head. But he has not made any new sounds for I do not know how long, he does not imitate speech or sounds. And the older he gets, the more my hope falters.

As soon as the bubble burst in my head, fear gripped my heart. What if he never ever learns to talk? How will he be able to cope in our society where communication has always been important and is apparently becoming still more important? How will he be able to communicate his needs? When will he be able to use his talker as a vehicle for his inmost feelings, those that not even I understand because he cannot tell me? Will others give him the time it takes to form sentences with the talker in a world where time has become a precious commodity and everyone is always in a hurry?

I know that only time can give me the answers to these questions. But thinking about them leaves a knot in my stomach and despair in my mind.

If only I could help him learn to talk! But there is so little I can do and that makes me so sad.


2 comments:

  1. It's the waiting that is the hardest, isn't it Joy? If we knew what was around the corner, I think we could probably face it more bravely. But when we're trying to wrestle with hanging on to hope and protecting ourselves from disappointment, it can hurt so much. :( Blessings to you guys. And I hope he makes tremendous gains in his speech ability in the near future!

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  2. Oh Joy. So so hard. I have those feelings too - not so much whether Tucker will speak because he does a little but whether he will always sound as different as he does now. It breaks my heart to think he will be made fun of for not being able to say words correctly or at all...and the worst part is that we don't know what will happen. Strength and hugs to you my friend. And I hope very much for you that he makes progress soon!! <3

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