For more than one year I have been searching for a day nanny for Sunny. I only need one for the weeks when he is on holiday from kindergarten (and, as of summer, from school) and then only for two mornings per holiday week. These are mornings I really need in order to take a deep breath, get things done and charge my batteries again so that I can be the mom he needs and deserves. A mom who is loving and patient, kind and relaxed.
Every day nanny we met was afraid to take over his care. They were afraid they could not do it and that they could not handle him because, let's face it, taking care of Sunny is a lot more strenuous than taking care of a NT child. He just cannot be left unattended for more than a few minutes. Most of them probably thought that they were paid for one child but had as much work as you have with two children. I am well aware of that. But they did not even give it a try which was something that always made me sad. I just wished they would have given him a chance and just tried it for one or two hours and see how it goes.
Anyway, just recently I thought that my search was over. I found a nice young woman who is an educated day nanny and she and her husband decided to give it a try after they met Sunny and me. When I heard that she has two small, NT girls of her own, I was even more happy. I am a big fan of inclusion and I always try to engage my son in activites with typical kids which is something that rarely happens because we hardly know any typical kids. So this was something I really looked forward to.
Yesterday was the morning when we finally gave it a try. It felt so good to be home, relaxing a bit, doing things that need to be done calmly and without interruption and feeling good because Sunny could engage with kids other than those from his SN kindergarten and the nanny did not call so I presumed everything was fine. You cannot imagine how disappointed I was when I opened her door to pick him up again and asked, full of expectation "So, how did it go?" and she looked at me and said "Not good. My girls do not get along with him AT ALL". Meaning that she will not take care of him again. The older girl who is Sunny's biological age was offended because he did not talk to her (she obviously tried to explain it to her daughter but the girl was offended nevertheless) and the younger girl was angry because he broke something of the Lego playhouse she had built. When I came to pick him up they had withdrawn themselves from him and gone down in the cellar to watch a movie there. In peace and without him disturbing and annoying them.
Just to think about all that makes my heart so heavy. I feel isolation and sadness. I wonder if he felt their rejection, if it hurt him too or if he (hopefully) was just oblivious and did not even notice they did not like him, that they disapproved of him and maybe were even mean to him. Being the child that he is, I know that he would have just backed down sadly, probably not understanding what was wrong and not being able to defend himself if the girls were mean to him. It also showed me again how special he is, special in the not-so-positive-way from the viewpoint of other people.
My husband's reaction was different from mine when I told him about it. He was not only sad, he was angry about the nanny. And, come to think of it, he is right. This would have been the chance for this mother to teach her children about how to treat a child with a disability correctly and with kindness, how to show them that everyone is different and how children like my son deserve respect, too. She chose to miss this opportunity and rather decided to remove this disturbing factor from her kids.
I will continue my search for a matching day nanny for my beautiful son but I guess I will refrain from another one with other kids. Although I thought it would do him some good if he engaged with typical children I am now scared to do that to him again.