Thursday, 21 February 2013

i am fine

when people ask me how i am i normally say "fine"
because i am fine
because i feel fine
because i believe i am fine
but then i meet a very good friend for a cup of tea
and she unintentionally asks me a question
a single question
the wrong question
and all of a sudden
out of the blue
in a split second
i break open
i am raw and vulnerable and full of pain
and tears stream down my face
i am shocked
by my own reaction
by that wave of emotion that hit me so hard
without warning
because one moment ago i was fine
and it hurts so much
that i just take all those feelings
and stuff them back deep inside where they came from
because i want to be fine again
until my emotions catch me off guard again
and blaze their trail again
another time
when i am inattentive again
and my shields are down
because i am fine


  1. Oh, Joy! This is...this is...this is. Truth. I am sharing on FB. Thank you for this.

  2. Found this blog via Tatum (Ain't No Rollercoaster) and yeah... this TOTALLY hits the nail on the head.

  3. I'm fine, too. Until that one question that seems innocent and out of the blue. Then I am not so fine for a moment. But it passes. Because we have to be fine, don't we?

  4. Been there! And sorry you're there. :( But I guess I should also say congrats on sometimes being not fine. Being not fine is pretty scary.

  5. I completely relate to this beautiful post - COMPLETELY!!

  6. Joy...what a beautifully written post. Tears. And I know exactly what you mean. For me, it's not even always a friend over a cup of tea. Sometimes, it's a stranger in a grocery store saying to my son "Hi, handsome! What's your name?" and I start bawling. Awww...

  7. Hi Joy,
    I went ahead and tagged you. The questions can be found here:
    I obviously didn't answer all of them. I look forward to seeing how you chose to play :)

  8. Oh, very sweet post. It's great to have friends who can draw you out like that. We need it sometimes. Mainly, because we are so busy being "fine" all the time. Thank you for sharing this.

  9. This is so true, sad, but written so lovely, too. I had coffee with a friend last week, too. She's having a hard time right now and I wanted to offer some comfort. Turns out we both needed a little comfort. That's what good friends are for, right? I bet you felt better (fine, maybe even?) after you got that little "release" of emotion. Thanks for sharing.

  10. Thank you for all your wonderful and beautiful comments!

  11. This is so beautiful! I feel exactly the same way!. My son wasn't diagnosed until he was 2 and 3 months. He has Mosaic Down Syndrome, we wouldn't have caught it if it wasn't for a curious endocrynologist. I hope and pray that you guys get your answer soon! Keep your head up, everything always turns out "fine" (:

    1. Hi Karla! guess Mosaic DS is surely hard to find/detect.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and for your encouragement! :-)


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