Friday, 14 December 2012

Will my hormone level ever be normal again? ;-)

Some years ago, Sunny made me a mama. And since then I have turned into a total wimp. I start crying over everything. Well, almost everything. Sometimes I wonder if it is still my hormone level that is messed up or if becoming a mama has made me super sensitive.That does not mean I was cold and stone-hearted before but since Sunny is here my sensitivity is on a higher level than before.

When I want to sing along with "Do they know it's Christmas" I have to stop because my throat tightens. Or when I sing certain songs to Sunny whose texts deeply move me (just because they are e.g. about having a wonderful childhood) I have to stop very often because my eyes well up with tears (but not because I think Sunny's childhood is not good, more because I am grateful that my son is so wonderful. It is hard to explain.). When I read blog posts that touch me I sit in front of the computer and tears stream down my face although I do not even know the person who wrote it personally. When I witness that people are being kind to other people or help them in any way I start sniffling. A video on facebook about random acts of kindness? Pouty, trembling lip. That phone call just recently with our insurance company where we were told great news? I cried happy tears (although I was embarrassed for crying like that on the phone but I just could not stop because I was so thankful and the lady was so kind and understanding and nice). 

I can watch sad movies, however, without shedding a tear. No, it is the real things in real life that matter to me. Generally speaking, what gets to me the most is when I feel empathy in others. This is why I cry when I hear that song of Band Aid because I think of the reasons that led to the recording of this song and my heart feels heavy but good knowing that there are people out there who care for others. That the world is not only hatred and war and mistrust and maliciousness but also full of kindness, support, caring, empathy, love, and helpfulness. That there are people who care about other people and do not just go about their business. Sometimes when you watch the news it is easy to forget this trait of humankind. And when I witness something empathic I am moved to tears.

Maybe becoming a mama, more so a mama of a child with special needs, has made me more sensitive. Maybe it is because I appreciate everything much more than before. Having a healthy child. Being healthy myself. Being privileged to live in a safe house, having enough food, heating, warm water. Witnessing my son to grow up and being excited about how far he has already come: he can breathe, eat, drink, sit, walk, communicate (in his own way), and do many more things. None of these things are self-evident.

So, I guess in the end everything is fine with my hormone level and being sensitive is nothing negative (although, I must admit, I still have to get used to it). It might sometimes be embarrassing to cry because of stuff others do not comprehend but this is who I am and I'd rather be sensitive and empathic than heartless and uncaring.

Oh, and check out this cute little video! I love it! I makes my heart skip a beat!





6 comments:

  1. i'm a crier, too. not sure if it's a mom thing or not, but i think having kids definitely made me more emotional!

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    1. I'm glad that I am not the only one!

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  2. I think having children is like peeling off a layer of skin. Everything that used to not worry us and affect us now does on a profound, emotional level. It's like we're programed to feel more so that we can use our instincts to best protect our children.

    I like to believe that we're more emotional since having children (because boy oh boy I definitely am!) so that we are able to see what beauty and kindness is in the world to teach our children that. That we're more sensitive to heartbreak because it's our job to make the world a better place for our children.

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    1. These are actually good thoughts, I like them! There is a lot of truth in them, I am sure about it! xoxo

      I think that motherhood leads us through a door into a world of completely new feelings you have never felt before and you did not know even existed. But before you become a mother that door is simply not there.

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  3. I'm sitting under the hairdryer but I'll check out that video when I can hear it. I am the same way. I was always that way, but now I'm worse. It's kind of embarrassing sometimes. I have the kind of tear ducts that flood with laughter and anger so the sensitive tears really look ridiculous. Anyway, I hoped I don't get booted to spam for putting a link here. This is THE SWEETEST tear jerking video I've seen in a while. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqEkPjUbmIA It's a wedding scene where a father is making a speech to his son in law before he gives his daughter away. Waaaaaah. TALU

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    1. Awww Kenya, that video had me cryin', of course! Thank you for sharing it!

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