So, after Sunny was born I started to fill in the blanks on each page. But there was one page that stayed emptier than designated and that was the page with the milestones. He missed every single milestone that was given in there and I became sadder and sadder about that. It was visible from my book that something was wrong. I wanted to write something in there and just could not. And since each milestone was eagerly awaited by me, the waiting for them became more and more stressful. But, on the other hand, there were so many wonderful but small things that he accomplished in-between those big milestones that I ran out of extra lines on the same page where it simply says "miscellaneous".
I slowly came to realise that I would need to slow down with this page just the way that Sunny slowly developed. This is when I started my own list. I started noting down every event, every mini-milestone that he accomplished on his way to the next big milestone. I realised that those small in-between milestones were something that I needed to appreciate, too, that they were not to be taken for granted.
Today my list consists of 18 pages in Word (with an extra paragraph concerning his speech and language development) and is still growing. Every new paediatrician, doctor, therapist is excited about it since it is so detailed. That is a nice side effect. They can look up anything there.
However, for me the list became ever so important. When I go through it from time to time and I read what he already has achieved I am so proud. When I read when and how he smiled at me for the first time I can still see his baby face in front of me, smiling his toothless grin that made me melt as I had so longingly been waiting for it. When I read about when he first ate ice cream I remember how he relished in the taste of the banana ice cream I chose for him. When I read how he took his first insecure steps I remember his PT telling me afterwards that there was a time when she was not sure if he would ever walk and shivers of gratitude run down my spine. When I read how and when he sat with us at the table in his high chair for the first time I remember how proud he was to be with us and how happy that he finally saw what was going on at the table. And how I felt that we were finally a family, complete, in sitting all together at the table (sounds weird, but that made me so happy back then).
I am so glad that because of my elaborate list I will never forget those tiny moments, those freeze frames of our life that is running in slow motion on the one hand, while on the other hand it is just passing by me in fast forward mode.