A long day is over, I had a cup of hot spiced wine, wrapped up some presents, and my thoughts went rolling....
Some days ago I read this post of Alicia. It made me cry when I read it. I literally felt how Pink touched her face and what she felt in that exact moment she describes. Her post is so bittersweet, I love it.
They say that as soon as a baby is born we are in the process of letting go. For me this is only partly true. When I read that post I just felt sad and sorry somehow because Alicia described her feelings so well and I could totally relate. Now, after a few days when it all sunk in I start to wonder if I will ever experience a moment like this. If Sunny will ever be able to tell me or show me how much he loves me. If he will ever attend a birthday party like that, without me. I would give anything to experience a moment like this, no matter how hard it might be in that moment to see how much he has grown and how he is getting more and more independent of me.
But as I thought about it I came to realise that I am also in a process of holding on and letting go. It only involves other things than usual. I am in the process of holding on to my hope that one day he will be able to do all the things that typical kids of his age can do. And at the same time I know that I might have to be letting go of these thoughts gradually. I will never give up hope and I know he will not stop to impress me with the progress he will be making in the future. I just have to find a balance between holding on and letting go.